John Berry

9-1-09

----------Well it has certainly been a while since I sat down and wrote one of these columns. What can I say Computer died and without it I am pretty much useless. Dell took forever to fix it and when it was done, AT&T took forever to set up the DSL. In the meantime I drew out ninety pages of Ninja Shminja and published the first of four parts. So it wasn’t a total waste.
-----------I guess the big news is the inevitable purchase of Marvel by Disney. That one came out of nowhere. I am of the opinion that this could be good or it could be bad. Pixar quality movies featuring Marvel characters sounds awesome. However if Disney forces Marvel to kiddy up their comics it would really suck. I can’t imagine that happening, I mean what would be the point. I just hope this doesn’t ruin the characters we all know and love. I mean let’s face it Marvel Comics has certainly made some calls I didn’t agree with. They have pulled some of the lamest gimmicky publishing stunts known to man. Stupid foil covers, multiple covers for a single comic, etc etc. If this goes badly we are all going to be left wishing Marvel had sold off Wolverine and Spider-Man to DC when they had the chance.
-----------Another piece of news you have probably already heard is the reboot of the Fantastic Four franchise by Fox. This we had heard a while ago. The new news is scary though. They are getting the asshat who wrote the two worst Batman movies of all time to head up the project. That’s right Akiva Goldsman. What a hack! Bat nipples and surfing spaceship doors safely to the ground from twenty-five thousand feet. And to top it off Michael Green who wrote some of the crappiest episodes of Heroes is Scripting. Now we all know the first Fantastic Four movie straight up sucked. However the second one, in my opinion, was a vast improvement. I think the acting talent did there job; all they needed was a better script. I like Chiklis as the thing. I think he was the perfect casting. The treatment of Doom in the first movie was way off base from what made him cool. But in the second movie they corrected that via cosmic powers. Doom should be in a suit of armor not made out of metal. So I don’t know if a reboot is necessary, however I doubt this reboot will be an improvement at all.
-----------So lets get to the movies that have come out since I last wrote a column. G.I. Joe is first on the list. I wasn’t even going to bother seeing this one. The trailer looked so cheesy I just figured I would catch it on DVD someday. However I found out one of the local theaters only charges four bucks for the midnight opening morning showing. So I said what the hell, grabbed up my girl and went. So a couple beers and a bottle of wine packed in my duffle bag we went to see the movie with no expectations. I wasn’t let down. The movie was as cheesy as I thought it would be. The thing that bothered me the most was how pretty Snake Eyes mouth looked. I found it so distracting it took away from any enjoyment I might have had watching the movie. Now a buddy of mine told me he looked it up and the OG Snake eyes did in fact have a mouth on his mask. Still I just couldn’t get over it. The other thing that really bugged me was just how awful of an acting performance Dennis Quaid gave us. It was like looking at an angry mannequin for two hours. I’m sure the director was to blame for some of it, but Dennis is going to have shoulder some of the blame. This performance was so bad I am forced to downgrade Dennis to the lesser Quaid underneath Randy. Still the end of the movie left me actually wanting to see the sequel. Which was kind of weird because I am sure it will also suck. I guess seeing Cobra Commander and Destro finally as they were meant to be made me a little sentimental.
-----------Next up was District Nine. Fucking awesome. I just don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said. This movie will go down as a sci-fi classic. You have done it again Mr. Jackson. And all for a mere thirty million dollars. I am probably going to catch this one again with my girlfriend eleven-year-old son. He will probably love it.
-----------Finally we have inglourious basterds. Quinton Tarantino has a near perfect record as far as I am concerned. Jackie Brown got a little repetitive. Other than that I have pretty much loved all his movies. This one was no exception. For a World War Two movie it was a little light on the action. However it made up for it with the standard funny as shit Tarantino dialogue. Brad Pitt was hilarious. In fact everyone in it performed admirably. This is a must see for Tarantino fans.
-----------Yesterday I picked up a couple comics that I would love to share with you. Hulk fourteen is the first one. Let me start by saying I think it is time Marvel just gave up the goods and let us know who the hell the Red Hulk is. It’s been over a year that they have been dragging this out. Enough is enough. My guess is Clay Quartermaine. He was the S.H.E.I.L.D. agent assigned to tag along with the Gray Hulk when McFarlaine drew it and they were chasing down the gamma bombs. He went missing during the Aftermath of WWHulk and has the knowledge of S.H.E.I.L.D. that the Red Hulk seems to possess. The timing is right so we shall see. Maybe this storyline will finally reveal this to us. Are they worried that people will stop reading Red Hulk storylines once we know who he is? Either way next issue is Red Hulk and “friends” versus the latest incarnation of Z-force. Hopefully they wont cheese us out on the action. Wolverine has gone up against every other Hulk so now its time to get that yellow blood on his claws.
-----------Next up is Beta Ray Bill Godhunter issue three. I was really waiting for this one. The first two were awesome and well thought out. Bill had a great strategy for taking down Galactus. Destroy every planet he tried to feed on. At the end of issue two he lost his ability to wield Stormbreaker, his magic Asgardian hammer that grants him the powers of Thor. You know the whole pure soul and tough choices thing. Now I never expected Marvel to let old Bill kill of Galactus. It’s a shame but it’s how Marvel rolls. But I gotta think they coulda come up with a better resolution than they did. Still It’s worth picking up if you never read they OG storyline on how he got his powers or if you are a diehard Beta Ray Bill fan.
I guess that’s it for this week.