Marc Urrutia

4-21-09

--------There may be left over burrito in my shit but I keep my asshole clean.

--------The same can not be said for “The Force Unleashed” comic book brought to us by Dark Horse Comics.

---------Story by Hayden Blackman. This comic is a prime example of what happens when you allow someone unqualified to write anything. A novel, a comic, a treatise, it doesn’t really matter. Take me for example, I’m unqualified to write columns and it shows by virtue of the title but if you stick with me there will be a point. Maybe.

----------The Force Unleashed was a fun video game. I played through it once on my PS3, with my six year old son. As far as video games go it had a fun enough story, good cut scenes and fun action running amok cutting things down with a light saber or flinging them around with the force. It was fun enough that I could even forgive the blatant fan-goth-emo-pandering of the “Black Light saber” that I still contend is super-lame but I digress.

----------A fun video game does not a quality graphic novel make.

----------I was in California over the New Year’s celebration spending time with friends doing what any respectable 30 something does on New Year’s Eve. I drank. Sure it continued for several days afterward but don’t hold that against me. Give me a drink, I will drink it and people kept giving them to me.

----------So after a few days of unchecked hedonism I wearily began my trip back to Atlanta, GA. Somewhat dehydrated and a bit bored, I took a quick trip through the airport convenience store searching for something to read on the long flight home which included a layover in Arizona (Thanks US Air). Of course why read a novel which has no pictures for my simple mind to digest but rather a quality comic book sounds like just what the doctor ordered. In all seriousness I rather enjoy reading books devoid of pictures but the airport selection was rather limited spewing forth a collection of Dan Brown, J.K. Rowling, Grisham, Clancy even a Jordan but in most cases stories I had no interest in reading or had already read.

----------That’s when I came across the force unleashed which had the exact cover art from the PS3 game packaging. “Why not, I enjoyed the game, perhaps the graphic novel will add some texture to the video game.”

----------In the next 45 minutes I would come to realize how wrong I was.

----------The Force Unleashed is a terrible Graphic Novel. The art by Brian Ching, Bong Dazu and Wayne Nichols is competent but nothing exceptional though if there was a crime to fans of StarWars everywhere, it is in the simple fact that the art involving Vader was atrocious. A frequent crime really. Vader has a symmetry required that is not easily attained in hand drawing the figure in many forced perspective shots but still one would expect a Herculean effort when penciling the most iconic character of the Star Wars universe but looking at the utter lack of passion this book carries, I am not at all surprised that some art looks like the artist just, "phoned it in."

-----------All that aside there are some nice pieces of work around the first half of the book. I’m uncertain which artist listed above accomplished this and frankly I don’t care due to the utterly forgettable nature of this book.

------------The plot itself seems to mirror the contents of the video game note for note with one exception. The dialogue is actually more stilted, wooden and lifeless than that provided by the rendered characters from the cut scenes. There is hardly a memorable note to be gleaned from the entire book.

-------------The entire book is narrated by Proxy, the main character’s protocol / training droid who’s function is to ultimately try and kill his master. It was a somewhat sinister ploy of Vader to keep his hidden apprentice on his toes and provided some comic relief in the video game but appears completely dry and uninspired in this book.

--------------As panel after panel goes by with Proxy narrating about his master’s potency with the enthusiasm of a pubescent boy waking from his first wet dream it not only comes across insincerely, it’s actually a little uncomfortable.

--------------Very quickly and with no passion or respect for the material the book takes us through the Dark Apprentices battle with notable Jedi who did not have a death scene in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. After reading this book you will wish they all died in that movie so as to remove any chance of this book being made. Seriously.

--------------In short, it is a steaming pile of shit. Such a steaming pile that it has no regard for the quality of the burrito it ate, nor the cleanliness of it’s own asshole. It is rancid and putrid through and through making a mess of everything it comes in to contact with.

-----------I would have expected the lead designer of the game to have some desire to see this project bare some semblance of quality but it is apparent the book was little more than a cash grab to try and capitalize on the success of the Force Unleashed game. I would burn this novel in my fireplace were I not philosophically opposed to burning reading material of any kind, and worried that it would leave it’s stench in my fireplace which I actually like. In fact, here is a list of things I’d rather do than read this novel:

Clean a public toilet – and mind you a busy public toilet.

Create and consume a beverage consisting of garbanzo beans, cod liver oil and Clamato (The Clamato is for flavor)

Attend a John Cusack film festival.

Watch the middle act of Attack of the Clones for 17 hours straight.

-----------I could go on and on but frankly this graphic novel is not worth the effort.Avoid this book.

-----------It is not worth reading, it is not worth borrowing, it is not worth finding in the garbage and reading it while waiting for a prostate exam. It is absolutely a waste.

-----------Shame on Darkhorse for publishing something of such low quality.

-----------Shame on Hayden Blackman for not treating his own brain child with even the smallest level of give a shit And Finally:

-----------Shame on me for buying, reading and writing an article about it. I have fed the mechanism I despise. Yet as always, I remain unapologetic.